On Monday I attended a very difficult and upsetting meeting and I came out of it with a new view of myself. All of my life, I have been walked over like a door mat and I never really knew what to do about it. It doesn’t help that I am a super sensitive and emotional person. I mean…I cry at sad adverts for goodness sake. But I know that doesn’t make me weak and it doesn’t stop me from kicking ass when I need to (metaphorically of course).
So the lesson I learned about myself, was simply that I am a strong person. I did not break down during the meeting, my eyes did let some tears go, from reliving the traumatic experiences I had gone through. But I did not break down. I held my own. I stood up for myself. I was strong.
For the first time in my life, I felt like I was winning. I felt like the doormat side of me, had been thrown away. And I realised that that strength was inside of me the entire time, I just didn’t know it was there.
The person that supported me through the meeting continuously told me, “You’re so strong, do you know that?”
My answer? “No…I’m not.”
But when I returned home and calmed down a little, I did begin to feel like I had gained some strength. I wasn’t as upset as I was before, I wasn’t as sensitive to the subject.
Standing up for yourself in difficult situations can be extremely hard and difficult. You have to wait for the opportune moment and judging that can be tricky. But you shouldn’t allow yourself to be a door mat, to anybody. Be a wall, a mountain that cannot move.
I was once a door mat. Now I am a strong, tall, mountain.
With 50 Shades of Grey coming out in cinemas, I decided that I would express some thoughts on the phenomenon that is Mr Grey. Of course I have friends that have enjoyed the books and while I shook my head at them, I supported their right to enjoy a book about a sex addicted control freak. Having said this I think there is some hidden danger within this franchise.
Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with erotic fiction at all and it’s not the sex that really bothers me. I’ve never personally read any as it’s not my cup of tea, but again I do have friends that enjoy it. I do believe however that you have to handle such a delicate subject with care.
Is it the way they look, the way they carry themselves? Or is it confidence?
The media would have us believe that beauty is one body shape, fake breasts and faces so perfect, you’d think they were carved from the smoothest stone. But is that beauty? It’s certainly not natural beauty.
Natural beauty is any size, any shape. I’m sure, as you’re reading this right now, there is something you dislike about yourself. There are a lot of things I dislike about myself and because of my past torment with bullies and what media portray as “Beautiful”, I am self conscious and I believe that I have to wear makeup to feel even the tiniest bit pretty. I’m sure we’ve all been there. Continue reading →